Dear Friends,
One of the truly wonderful aspects of my life in schools has been spending time in the parking lot each morning as children are dropped off for another day. I’m not entirely sure when this experience became so important to me (I suspect it has a lot to do with September 11th), but for years now I’ve tried as hard as I could to be in the parking lot each morning.
While I very much enjoy greeting people as they arrive at school, the most important part of the parking lot experience for me is observing the interaction between parents and their children as they say their fond goodbyes. Beginning in Preschool when parents are asked to walk their children hand-in-hand into the building, this daily ritual signals an important evolution in the growth of each family. I realize that while I am enjoying myself while observing the comings and goings in the parking lot, the experience for some is not always joyful. Dropping children off at school is the beginning of an important separation, the time in the life of the family when the healthy process of letting go begins. Much has been written about the challenge we face as parents in striking a balance between protecting the well-being of our children while at the same time allowing them the latitude to begin to develop their sense of self. This is not easy work but it is critically important if our children are to become mature, autonomous adults.
Of course, the process becomes significantly different as children move up the ladder at St. Margaret’s. Eventually, the separation takes an entirely different perspective as some of these “children” acquire their driver’s licenses and end up driving themselves into the parking lot each day. Over the course of this evolution much takes place in the domain of childhood development and most of it is a joy to watch. Everyday without fail as I walk through the parking lot I overhear exchanges between parents and children which in the vast majority of cases nearly always ends with an “I love you” or code words to that effect. Some are hurried and some are said over the shoulder, but all remind me in the clearest of terms of the trust and the faith that each family places in us each day. Some years ago, Joni Mitchell wrote a song about paving paradise. There’s no doubt that our world has many more parking lots than anyone of us would like, but the good news here is that we have at least created an environment central to the healthy and normal development of families, and I for one, enjoy being part of it.
The parking lot has many important symbolic aspects of our lives together at St. Margaret’s not the least of which is that it is something of a laboratory for the manner in which we carry out our Episcopal tradition. Central to this philosophy is a commitment to treat members of our school community with decency and respect and to acknowledge that we are all valued members of the St. Margaret’s family. Unfortunately, due to the demands of our schedules and our busy lives, occasionally this commitment to a high standard of behavior is overlooked. Instead of those wonderfully joyous moments of genuine displays of affection that I see most every morning, there emerge the occasional unpleasant exchanges where feelings get hurt and in a small way our lives together are diminished.
As we move forward with the current school year, it would be my hope that we would all see these communal gatherings each day as an opportunity to demonstrate our love for our children and our commitment to each other in a way that deepens and strengthens our relationships. From the drop offs in the morning to the inevitable conversations that take place about any number of issues, I would hope that we would all work to make this parking lot experience as positive and productive as possible. As is often the case, our children are our best examples. Smiling, happy and optimistic, they help us see the future through the eager eyes of youth. What joyful inspiration!
Warm regards,
Marcus D. Hurlbut