The Spirit of the Parking Lot
Observations and inspirations emerge from an unlikely setting

Since my arrival at St. Margaret’s in 2003, one of the most enjoyable moments of my day has been greeting families as parents drop their children off in the parking lot. Recently, we expressed concerns about the behavior of a small number of people who choose to make “parking lot decisions” that adversely impact the safety and well-being of others, by making illegal U-turns, for example. This may seem like a small matter on the surface, but in many ways, these brief interactions are at the heart of what we stand for as a school community. My hope is that we will work together to keep this vital part of our lives together positive and uplifting.

I enjoy greeting people as they arrive at school, but the most important part of my parking lot experience is observing the interaction between parents and children as they say their good-byes. Beginning in Preschool, when parents walk children hand-in-hand into the building, this daily ritual signals an important evolution in the growth of families. Though I enjoy observing the comings and goings in the parking lot, the experience for some is not always joyful. Dropping children off at school is the beginning of an important separation, the time in the life of the family when the healthy process of letting go begins. Much has been written about the challenges parents face in striking a balance between protecting the well-being of our children and allowing them the latitude to develop their sense of self. This is not easy work, but it is critically important if our children are to become mature, autonomous adults.

Of course, the process becomes significantly different as children move up the ladder at St. Margaret’s. Eventually, the separation takes an entirely different perspective as “children” acquire their driver’s licenses and end up driving themselves to the parking lot. Over the course of this evolution, much takes place in the domain of childhood development, and most of it is a joy to watch. Every day without fail I overhear exchanges between parents and children that, in the vast majority of cases, end with an “I love you” or code words to that effect.

Some are hurried and some are said over the shoulder, but all remind me in the clearest of terms of the trust and the faith that each family places in us each day. Some years ago, Joni Mitchell wrote a song about paving paradise. There’s no doubt that our world has many more parking lots than any one of us would like, but the good news is that we have created an environment central to the healthy and normal development of families. I, for one, enjoy being part of it. The parking lot reflects many important symbolic aspects of our lives together at St. Margaret’s, not the least of which is that it is a laboratory for the manner in which we carry out our Episcopal tradition. Central to this philosophy is a commitment to treat members of our school community with decency and respect and to acknowledge that we are all valued members of the St. Margaret’s family. Unfortunately, due to the demands of our schedules and the busyness of our lives, occasionally this commitment to a high standard of behavior is overlooked. Instead of those wonderfully joyous moments of genuine displays of affection that I see most every morning, there emerge the occasional unpleasant exchanges in which feelings get hurt, and in a small way our lives together are diminished.

As we move forward with the school year, it is my hope that we all see these communal gatherings as an opportunity to demonstrate our love for our children and our commitment to each other in a way that deepens and strengthens our relationships. From the drop-offs in the morning to the conversations about any number of issues, I hope that we will all work to make this parking lot experience positive and productive. As is often the case, our children are our best examples. Smiling, happy and optimistic, they help us see the future through the eager eyes of youth.

What joyful inspiration!